Love Yo'self!

So, you’re probably wondering, why is she smiling while holding up a ring? Well, I decided to upgrade my celibacy ring. When I look down at my ring finger, I am reminded that I am a daughter of a King, I am priceless, and I am a princess. Think about it, when you’re in a relationship, your significant other buys you a Happy Anniversary gift right? Well, Jesus bought me a gift to celebrate my five-year celibacy anniversary. Thanks Jesus! :)

Back in September I met up with a new friend at Starbucks. We sat outside and talked about life. Then, my new friend said something to me that caught me off guard. She said “I just want to congratulate you for celebrating your celibacy journey. I have never seen anyone celebrate it publicly before. Keep doing that. Even when you think no one is looking, you’re inspiring someone.” Of course, I did one of those shocked faces with a quick laugh, not because I was nervous, but because I was speechless. In that moment, I had to pause and think about what I had done. I was doing something that I didn’t really think was “inspiring”. Don’t get me wrong, choosing to be celibate is a beautiful and rewarding decision, difficult, but beautiful. It was a choice that I made five years ago, not because I was trying to get praises from man (or woman) but because I was tired of creating meaningless soul ties with men that were not my husband. In these five years, I have been able to focus on what I want, what I don’t want, what my flaws are, what my deeply rooted issues & hurts are, and learn who I am in Christ.

I realize there are women, and men, that did not have the “choice” to wait until marriage. Unfortunately, I did not have that choice either. I was raped my senior year of high school, five days after giving my life to Christ. I immediately felt like I had failed God and He no longer loved me. I lost every sense of self-worth that I had (which wasn’t much to begin with) and allowed men to literally use me as they pleased. I felt like if God didn’t love me, why should I care if a man did. In reality, I was hurt and upset with God for allowing it to happen. I carried that pain for years and made myself believe that I caused it to happen. I, me, myself, caused myself to get raped. Sounds ridiculous right? I know…but that’s what the enemy wanted me to believe. He wanted me to believe that my self-worth was in men, was in my body and what pleasure it brought men, in the clothes I wore, or how I wore my hair.

When I first made the decision to become celibate in 2014, I did it as a little challenge to myself. To see if I could “hold out” for 3-months. (I failed a couple times at first) But eventually, I made it to 3-months. Then I said, Okay let’s try 6-months. 6-months came…and went. I told myself, if you can do 6-months, try one year. Once I hit the one-year mark, I started to notice a new power that I had. A new power to say “No” to men and not feel guilty about it. It took two plus years of Christian counseling to get the breakthrough that I needed back in 2009. Not only was I carrying daddy issues from not having my earthly father in my life growing up, I was also carrying daddy issues from my heavenly father. I felt abandoned by my earthly father, which I was used to. He wasn’t there for me as a little girl or as a teenager. But my heavenly father? He was always with me. How could he leave me that day? How could he allow that to happen to me? Truth is, He never left me. The enemy just used someone else to get to me. The enemy used the person that I thought was my husband, even though God himself didn’t say that was my husband. The enemy allowed that person to reach out to me, to get me alone and to a vulnerable state, then take advantage of me. God made sure I didn’t die. God made sure I didn’t contract any diseases. God made sure that I had the support of my best friend because I was too afraid to tell my mother. And God eventually brought me to my Christian Counselor that helped me get through mountains of issues I had been dealing with. You see, God never leaves our side. He covers us in every situation, good or bad.

I have learned over the last few years that God, my father, can use any circumstance to bring Him glory. By choosing to celebrate my celibacy journey, I am telling God and others that my body is a temple. My body is not for everyone, it is for Him and for my future husband. While I’m waiting, I can go on trips with my friends, I can go to concerts and worship nights in other cities. I can lay in bed all day and watch SpongeBob or Martin. I can choose not to do my hair, I can choose not to sleep with the ceiling fan on. I can buy shoes whenever I want, I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can spend hours reading my bible and listening to worship music because I don’t have to cook for anyone or give them a bath. I choose to enjoy this season that I am in now because it’s temporary. One day I will be married, I will have children, I will have to cook dinner, I will have to wake up early and get them ready for school and I won’t get to lay in bed all day watching Martin. Each season is beautiful and worth celebrating.

So, I challenge you, if you are celibate, share it with the world. Show others that you don’t conform to the pressures of this world. You don’t have to wear mini-skirts, grey sweatpants, muscle tees or booty shorts to get anyone’s attention. Your husband or wife will love you just the way you are. Play your worship music as loud as you want. Take a trip with your friends and get away for the weekend. Go to concerts and lay in bed one day and watch SpongeBob. The wait is beautiful. Find what makes you happy and do that. Don’t let anyone’s opinions effect you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image.

Meditate on these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:23

Galatians 1:10

1 Corinthians 7:32

Psalm 27:14

Isaiah 40:31

Matthew 11:28

Psalm 27:4

Song of the day: